


You will be found

by AWalkingParadox



Series: You Will Be Found [5]
Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Speeches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 03:06:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12831999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWalkingParadox/pseuds/AWalkingParadox
Summary: Life isn’t perfect, but it’s good enough.





	You will be found

•—•  
“My name is Alexander Hamilton. I’m seventeen years old, currently on my senior year at Princeton. I stand here to tell you my story.  
Tell me, have any of you ever thought of suicide? Have you ever seen a high building and thought, ‘I want to jump?’. Well, I have. My life hasn’t been the greatest, you see. Orphaned at age twelve, my cousin committed suicide when I was fourteen. The first time I ever considered it as well. I was put into foster care and abused several times. Some u-unspeakable things to me. At fifteen, I was diagnosed with depression. Then the Washington’s took me in. They loved me, cared for me, treated me as one of their own. For the first time in years, I felt at home. Then like everything else in my life, I lost them as well. A car accident, hit by a drunk driver, they say.”   
The harsh lights blinded him, his hands were shaking again.  
“I watched as they d-died right before my eyes. That was the day I swore to myself to never love someone so deeply as I had loved them. The pain of their loss was too great. I decided to distance myself from my friends.”  
He laughed dryly.  
“I became more quiet. I would sometimes wake up and wonder ‘why am I here?’. That’s when I started cutting myself. Every night, I would go into the bathroom, lock the door, and proceed to hack at my skin. I still have the scars.”  
He swallowed hard, memories running through his mind.  
“One day, I cut too deep. My friends found out. They took me to the hospital. They made me promise I wouldn’t do anything like that again. I lied. I said yes. One day, it got worse. I’d wake up and wouldn’t have the strength to get out of bed. I heard whispers, saying I was ‘useless’ and ‘worthless’ and ‘stupid’. And believed them. I believed the voices in my head that told me that I was worth nothing. But I hid it. I hid it all behind a smile, behind a laugh. Behind a mask. I don’t know what happened that day, but it became so bad that I got a razor and locked myself in the bathroom. I slit my wrists.”  
He was shaking. And....crying?  
“I woke up in the hospital. But I was still in a dark hole, still too deep. I built a wall around myself. I wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep. I was like a zombie.   
My friends tried to help. Of course they did. They cared, I just couldn’t see it.”  
He smiled bitterly.  
“I managed to convince a nurse to let me out. I lied, saying that I needed fresh air. I begged and pleaded till she had agreed. I walk up onto the roof, climbed onto the edge and prepared to jump. To rid the world of myself once and for all.”  
There was silence.  
“But someone stopped me. My rival. The man I thought hated me. He stopped me. Prevented me from taking my life. I was angry, confused. I just wanted it all to end. Everything around me was dark, dull, not worth living in. But he showed me the bright side. He showed me the beauty in pain. More importantly, he showed me that things can get better. He told me that I didn’t have to move on or forget, only that I had to live. To live for them.”  
Tears were rolling down his chin, big fat drops of it, but he didn’t care.  
“Have you ever felt like nobody was there? Like you could scream and no one would hear? Like one day, you could disappear, and no one would even notice. For so long, I felt that way. But I had friends who stuck by me, they helped me. They showed me that maybe there was a reason for me to believe I would be okay. That even if I felt alone, I was never truly alone. There were people who cared.”  
He smiled faintly, wiping his eyes.  
“I’m not saying it was back to normal. I will never truly heal. I still wake up sometimes feeling like I had no purpose. And on bad days, I’d wish I wasn’t alive. But they helped. They stayed through thick and thin.  
They gave me a family. They became my family. You don’t have to be alone, there’s always someone willing to reach out. When you feels as if you’ll fall off the edge, reach up and rise again. Someone will come and they’ll take you home. All of us, those who are lost, injured, wounded, drifting. You will be found.”  
-•-  
“You did great.” Lafayette smiled, eyes twinkling.   
“Yeah, dude. That was amazing.” Hercules laughed. He calmed down a bit, taking a more solemn look. “You okay?”  
“Not really.” Alex admitted, hugging himself. “But that was sort of freeing, being able to talk like that.”  
“Glad to hear,” John placed a hand gently on his shoulder.   
“Hey! Hamilton! Come over! We’ve got pizza!” Thomas walked in, James and Aaron walking by his side.  
“Yeah! C’mon Alex!” Peggy followed in after them, “There’s pineapple.”   
Eliza smiled, “Angelica’s is at work, but she says that she’s proud of you. So am I.”  
“Thanks.” Alex grinned. “I’ll be right over.”   
Looking at what he has, maybe life was worth living. It certainly wasn’t perfect, and very full of problems, but it was good enough.   
He just had to make the best of it.  
•—•

**Author's Note:**

> I feel emotionally drained. Feedback?


End file.
